Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
