i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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