Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
