This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize