I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
