I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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