He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
