It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
