don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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