I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
