i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
