Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
