1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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