she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
