"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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