we have pet lesbian snakes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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