Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
