In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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