I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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