I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
