I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize