were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
