I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
