I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
