so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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