Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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