Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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