Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
