You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
