sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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