I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Jerry, you need to find god
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
