what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
