my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
