I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
