dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
