GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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