FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
