I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
