I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
