There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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