how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize