It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
