The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
