While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
