my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
