You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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