It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
