Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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