Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
