So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You can't special order awesome
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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