I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
