haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
