I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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