I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
