my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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