Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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