Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
