I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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