No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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