Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
