ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
