This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
