I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
