He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
