Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
