forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
