Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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