dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize