i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
