I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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