I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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