I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
